What is the proper cost of excitement?

Comparison:

[postgame press conferences . . . ] are typically about as fascinating as watching a turtle slowly nibble on a strawberry.

I take that back. That's unfair—to the turtle.

A turtle slowly nibbling on a strawberry is about six times as fascinating as your average postgame press conference.

Longtime WSJ sports columnist Jason Gay was taken aback when he learned that the University of Oklahoma was going to sell tickets to football postgame interview sessions after OU football games. He thought the event not worth any money, let alone the $346.00 price asked by OU. Boredom. Lack of excitement. Tedium. If you wanted to create a comparison with such a focus, you could go with a tired stealth metaphor (watching paint dry), or with a comparison closer to the sport at hand (as exciting as a 0-0 tie). Instead the WSJ sports writer decides to slyly invoke slowness (turtle) and disinterest (nibbling) and helps us understand that postgame press conferences are 6X LESS exciting than lethargic testudines eating. Would you have gone, slowly, in that direction for a comparison?

Context:

Oklahoma, bless it, has begun selling tickets to its football postgame press conferences.

. . .

It isn't my job to stop a person from wasting money—please, buy yourself a catamaran, it sounds like a terrific investment—but please don't waste your money on this.

I say this not as a financial adviser. I say this as someone who has sat through a good number of postgame press conferences, across multiple sports, and believes that while they remain a useful, necessary part of the trade, they are typically about as fascinating as watching a turtle slowly nibble on a strawberry.

I take that back. That's unfair—to the turtle.

A turtle slowly nibbling on a strawberry is about six times as fascinating as your average postgame press conference.

. . .

Undaunted, Oklahoma is selling this access for $692.11 to its upcoming game against Michigan—the ticket admits two, so I guess that comes to about $346 a head, or $345.90 more than it's probably worth. (Tickets for the postgame presser for the prior week's game versus Illinois State are $461.61—and sold out.)

I appreciate Oklahoma trying to dress up my profession, I really do. The media takes a beating these days, and the folks in Norman are actually making it seem like we're doing urgent, relevant work you should pay to see.

‘Watch the story take shape through the questions, the insights and the atmosphere that sets the headlines,‘ the ‘Magic Memories‘ website promises.

I can't lie. That is fantastic ad copy. Well done. It actually makes me want to sign up.

If only it were so glamorous. If only it felt so alive.

But the only people who truly believe the media are this beguiling are…the media.

My advice: Get a turtle and some strawberries.

Citation:

Gay, Jason. “College Football's Hot New Money Grab.“ Wall Street Journal, 20 August 2025. Web.

(Image courtesy of Bing, August 2025.)